The Relationship Expert
Licensed Psychologist in Pismo Beach & Los Osos
My goal, as your premarital counselor, is to help you make essential discoveries about each other before marriage, rather than being surprised by them after you tie the knot. The two of you, like every other married couple in the world, are going to have certain topics that cause friction again and again. You both have expectations of what the marriage should look like.
What is Premarital Counseling Like?
Together, we’re going to tackle the top issues married couples need to know about. Some of the things we’ll cover in premarital counseling apply to all couples:
- Money management
- Sex life
- Spiritual beliefs
- Having kids
- Connecting with your in-laws
Because you’re unique, we’ll also focus on areas that are completely unique to the two of you. A definite area you’ll want to learn more about is your and your fiancée’s family of origin. Why? Because in ways large and small, the dynamic you share with your parents and siblings will have a huge influence on how you interact with your new spouse. Likewise, your soon-to-be husband or wife will behave in ways that make a lot more sense when you understand their dear old mom and dad.
Here’s the thing that surprises many newlyweds after they say, “I do.” Most of the time, there is a hidden issue lying underneath the issue that the engaged couple think is the problem. The hidden issue is something you may not see directly, but it has a way of continually popping out, like a jack-in-the-box.
Have you ever had a fight about something and then said, “What was that about?” On a scale of 1 to 10, the problem only registered a 2, but your fiancée’s anger reaction was a high of 9. As a psychologist, it’s my job to help bring these things to light in the safety of our counseling sessions together.
More than that, you’ll be empowered with tools you need to build a marriage that lasts. You’ll be equipped with stronger communication skill so you can understand your fiancée and be understood. We’ll work through your toughest conflicts. And, when possible, we’ll develop strategies to keep those conflicts contained and to resolve them.
Goals for Premarital Counseling
This may sound like awfully technical stuff…especially when you are in the midst of planning a wedding. You may also be filled with the giddy excitement that comes with being in love and getting married. Don’t worry. You still get to enjoy all of it.
I just want you to have more. My goal for you is that you would be a married couple that knows how to provide encouragement to one another. Many married couples take years to learn how to listen to each other and to truly feel heard. Sadly, some never get there.
I want to help you cut out some of those years of frustration, and put you on the fast track to providing empathy with one another. (And yes, that does include teaching future husbands to “just listen” to their future wives and not try to “fix the problem.” But there are ways wives can have empathy for their husbands, too.) In a nutshell, I want you to be able to say in your words and actions, “No matter what, I believe in you.”